My sister in law that is!
Tom comes in the bathroom last night with a Motrin bottle in hand. He says "you better kiss me now because I just took this whole bottle". I say... "I have some Tylenol in there if you want to take those also...just to make sure it took." We were both joking! Yes, we think it's funny to joke about suicide. We also find it humorous to encourage joking suicide!
It was all an elaborate display for how much we hate said sister in law (his sister). Let's call her Humpty Dumpty...HD for short. We met her and some of his family a few weeks ago in Erie NY for the county fair. We of course announced our big news. Everyone seemed happy for us. At least I thought... The 2nd night we were there she decided to inform me that her "husband" (I use that term for her very loosely) thinks pregnant women are repulsive.
Ok let's get one thing straight I could really care less how the crazy (her husband) feels about my current state! Does everyone not know that you never ever ever make any negative comments about a pregnant woman's body or she will self destruct or worse...CRY! Hello dumb ass! That's when I realized she is just trying to be mean. Why else would anyone say that? What I would have liked to have said to her is this- So HD if he thinks pregnant woman are repulsive? How does he feel about you? I can assure you that at about 7-8 months pregnant I will still be smaller than your fat ass! Or is it just the miracle of life that scares him? Haha DID NOT SAY THAT! Just really wanted to.
I ignored her and went to bed. Chewed my Hub a new one for making me endure this. The next morning I woke up to run. Then Hub and I had breakfast. After breakfast most of the house was still asleep. I laid back down for a while as well. I woke up around 11:30! I was so panicked because I knew we didn't have a ton of time with the baby before she would need a nap. Hub and I hurried up got dressed, rushed out, and said we will meet you all there. No big deal, right??? WRONG!
When we finally met up with them HD was pissed! She wouldn't speak to me or Hub or the baby! I was horrified! HD and I have a very tumultuous past and the thought of going down that road again made my stomach turn. I had to go through this whole day being ignored and treated like an outsider. I was absolutely furious! I wasted my weekend for this.
When we returned to the hotel she acted as if nothing am had happened! It was unbelievable. Obviously I'm still in shock. I just can't get over how a 35 year old woman can act like such a Psychotic. Bitch!
What made it worse is that everyone was acting as if she was doing nothing wrong. They almost acted as if I just needed to get over it. It makes me furious how people allow other people to be fuckers! You know the term....oh you just have to get used to him/her! I hate that term. Essentially it says to me oh you will get used to being treated like shit and it won't hurt as much after a while!
The reason for the suicide joke, you ask? A week before she left for New York her "husband" tried to take a ton if pills. He got no where! It was an elaborate cry for attention! She had filed for divorce two days before. Ridiculous people!
And yes I understand that my Hub and I are insensitive assholes!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
What I did today?
Surprise surprise...I'm pregnant! I'm almost 7 weeks! My latest smart ass comment to my hub (when he asks what I did today)? I say oh nothing big just growing a human body. Ha! Poor guy doesn't stand a chance.
The reason for my entry is I'm absolutely loosing it! This blog is soon to become a pregnancy blog...because I just can't seem to shake the feeling that there is something weird going on in there. I know I know...there is! I mean something obscure or out of the ordinary. Ok here it is....I'm completely PARANOID I'm having twins! I'm literally embarrassed as I write this.
I'm obsessed with looking things up on line and checking them to how I feel. It's traumatizing.
I feel like I can't eat, but I'm already showing a little bit! I get so full after I eat and can't digest my food at all. It's got to be the worst feeling ever! I'm hungry, but feel sick after I eat. Then the food just sits there and won't move.
I'm also extremely exhausted. After 4pm I prefer to lay on the couch and play dead until bed time. Of course that is not possible because I have a two year old!
So why do I think there are two? No particular reason...just a feeling. Also so far this pregnancy is so different from my daughter.
(This will be posted later in my pregnancy after I have had a chance to tell all my friends.)
The reason for my entry is I'm absolutely loosing it! This blog is soon to become a pregnancy blog...because I just can't seem to shake the feeling that there is something weird going on in there. I know I know...there is! I mean something obscure or out of the ordinary. Ok here it is....I'm completely PARANOID I'm having twins! I'm literally embarrassed as I write this.
I'm obsessed with looking things up on line and checking them to how I feel. It's traumatizing.
I feel like I can't eat, but I'm already showing a little bit! I get so full after I eat and can't digest my food at all. It's got to be the worst feeling ever! I'm hungry, but feel sick after I eat. Then the food just sits there and won't move.
I'm also extremely exhausted. After 4pm I prefer to lay on the couch and play dead until bed time. Of course that is not possible because I have a two year old!
So why do I think there are two? No particular reason...just a feeling. Also so far this pregnancy is so different from my daughter.
(This will be posted later in my pregnancy after I have had a chance to tell all my friends.)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Black Baby bam-a-lam
My daughter is about as white as any human being can look. She is blonde, blue eyed, alabaster skin...I'm talking Aryan race, children of the corn white.
My hubs background is what I like to refer to as hillbilly baptist white. He is neither of those things...his "wonderful" family is! I am adopted but I know I come from Spanish decent on my biological fathers side. I was adopted into a very multi-cultural family. I have African American siblings, Spanish nephews/brother in laws, Thai nieces and nephews, and a sister and law and uncle from the Philippines. I never thought twice about race growing up. I was the very youngest of all my siblings...12-14 of us depending on who claims whom! My younger brother and sister are both bi-racial black and white. In fact I have very vivid memories of asking my mom why I was the different one! My Hub on the other hand was raised by racist wolves! He is neither!!! (Expect in the bedroom...and just the wolf part! ;))
Now that your up to date on meaningless information I will elaborate on my title. I bought my daughter a black baby. She has a red headed baby, a blonde baby, and a brunette baby. I bought the doll on purpose. We live in a predominantly white town. We only get to visit my family a couple of times a year. There is one darker skinned child in her daycare. So she has very little association with different races.
One day we are walking through a store, and literally the blackest human being I have ever seen walks by. Yes, he was very eye catching. Just as much as bright blazing red hair is or big boobs in a tight sweater. Sometimes you just can't help but look for slightly two seconds two long...ya know? Well, my two year old didn't know. She stared at this man and gave him the most peculiar look. Then she looks at me and says in her two year old only one volume of loud voice "what's that?" I was beyond mortified. I didn't want to react...so as the man is looking at the canned green beans right next us...I simply say to my daughter "that is a man shopping". I made no reference to his race as I freaked out in my mind! We left the store. About a few weeks later came Tiana. The black baby princess that is the same doll style as her beloved Arial.
She loved her automatically, but couldn't remember the dolls name for a very long time and would kindly refer to her as "messy" because of her curly hair. This I found hilarious...but handled it by correcting her with the dolls name, Tiana! I thought great....as if it wasn't humiliating enough that she's calling out African American people in the store...now she will be toting one around calling it messy! (p.s. she also calls me messy when I wear my hair curly) I of course understand her terminology, but the racist police would not!
Now she gladly carries around Tiana, Luellen, and Arial. My Hub calls them her entourage! Crisis averted my baby loves all of the human race again! Haha
Wrong! Now I'm dealing with a whole new weird issue! People stare!!! Like serious stare! Black women are the worse... If my daughter has Tiana with her out and about people can't help but look. One woman in a store even doubled back for a second look! I could not believe it. I get the white lady stares... But really? WTH is the big deal and is it so weird! Do I have to scream at everyone "hey dumb ass stop staring! If you act like it strange she will think its strange. I'm trying to raise a child prodigy here!"
We go see my Hubs family this weekend. I can't wait for the inquisition! ;)
My hubs background is what I like to refer to as hillbilly baptist white. He is neither of those things...his "wonderful" family is! I am adopted but I know I come from Spanish decent on my biological fathers side. I was adopted into a very multi-cultural family. I have African American siblings, Spanish nephews/brother in laws, Thai nieces and nephews, and a sister and law and uncle from the Philippines. I never thought twice about race growing up. I was the very youngest of all my siblings...12-14 of us depending on who claims whom! My younger brother and sister are both bi-racial black and white. In fact I have very vivid memories of asking my mom why I was the different one! My Hub on the other hand was raised by racist wolves! He is neither!!! (Expect in the bedroom...and just the wolf part! ;))
Now that your up to date on meaningless information I will elaborate on my title. I bought my daughter a black baby. She has a red headed baby, a blonde baby, and a brunette baby. I bought the doll on purpose. We live in a predominantly white town. We only get to visit my family a couple of times a year. There is one darker skinned child in her daycare. So she has very little association with different races.
One day we are walking through a store, and literally the blackest human being I have ever seen walks by. Yes, he was very eye catching. Just as much as bright blazing red hair is or big boobs in a tight sweater. Sometimes you just can't help but look for slightly two seconds two long...ya know? Well, my two year old didn't know. She stared at this man and gave him the most peculiar look. Then she looks at me and says in her two year old only one volume of loud voice "what's that?" I was beyond mortified. I didn't want to react...so as the man is looking at the canned green beans right next us...I simply say to my daughter "that is a man shopping". I made no reference to his race as I freaked out in my mind! We left the store. About a few weeks later came Tiana. The black baby princess that is the same doll style as her beloved Arial.
She loved her automatically, but couldn't remember the dolls name for a very long time and would kindly refer to her as "messy" because of her curly hair. This I found hilarious...but handled it by correcting her with the dolls name, Tiana! I thought great....as if it wasn't humiliating enough that she's calling out African American people in the store...now she will be toting one around calling it messy! (p.s. she also calls me messy when I wear my hair curly) I of course understand her terminology, but the racist police would not!
Now she gladly carries around Tiana, Luellen, and Arial. My Hub calls them her entourage! Crisis averted my baby loves all of the human race again! Haha
Wrong! Now I'm dealing with a whole new weird issue! People stare!!! Like serious stare! Black women are the worse... If my daughter has Tiana with her out and about people can't help but look. One woman in a store even doubled back for a second look! I could not believe it. I get the white lady stares... But really? WTH is the big deal and is it so weird! Do I have to scream at everyone "hey dumb ass stop staring! If you act like it strange she will think its strange. I'm trying to raise a child prodigy here!"
We go see my Hubs family this weekend. I can't wait for the inquisition! ;)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
My favorite Scar!
Two things I miss from my former life! Drinking with out guilt and shit to do the next day, and my Scar!
I wish there was a most satisfying way to describe my most epic friendship, but there is not! I suppose I should explain.
I met Scar when I was 18.. I worked for her then boyfriend. Truth be told I was ridiculously intimidated by her at first. She is so pretty...blonde and drove a Volkswagen beetle! I had always wanted one! I remember very vividly the moment I knew she was "cool" we were in the Kmart parking lot...lord knows why? She put on the song " in your face" by ebony eyez! I was like yep I really really like her! We hung out a lot that summer. You know very casual...getting tattoos and trying to drink! We weren't 21 yet obviously!
I moved away with Hub. He was going to college about an hour and a half away. We slowly stopped talking. My fault not hers. I really suck at staying in touch with people. I'm a lot better now!
We did talk a few times in between, but we really picked back up when Hub and I broke up. I got reconnected with her through a mutual HD friend and that was it! We were thick as thieves all over again. She got me a job at the Harley Davidson store.
So basically our lives consisted of working together then hanging out every weekend! It was awesome! We were known as the "Harley Girls". Yes, we loved that too! We made too many memories to account for, and too inappropriate to write here :)!
I left after the summer, and went back to Hub. It was the most awful good bye I have ever had to do. My niece was with me, and even commented "I hope I love a friend that much some day"! I cried harder.
When I left Hub again My Scar and I moved in together. We got an apartment we called the palace...and it was awesome! She had also broke up with her longtime boyfriend. She had a new man...I didn't! :(
We basically did all the fucked up stuff two young girls do...or say they wish they did! Looking back I think we almost had something to prove! We were going to be young forever! We thought! Literally I am scared for our lives thinking back! We were wild! And it was awesome! We were Famous in a small town!
Why she is my Scar is harder to explain. We had a retardedly outrageous misunderstanding! We like to pretend it never happened twice! I cringe just thinking about it! I tried to erase her... Tried! It just didn't work! I swear loosing a best friend is worse than loosing an X! At least with an X you can agree that you just don't belong together or some one cheated or the relationship is going no where. Loosing your best friend is like loosing the part of you only she knows!
Every fucking song reminded me if some crazy drunken night... "We are going streaking!", "No Wanda don't shit in the trash can", you girls wanna come on over and let the good times roll...umm NO" lolol! I couldn't watch the MTV movie awards for two years! I stopped loving Kathy Griffin... And God help us if I saw an FJ! It was pretty ridiculous!
We talk now...it is a lot easier! We saw each other last month! So awkward lol! I was so excited! Have you ever been so excited and try to pretend its just another day no big deal! HA! I was like a teenager going to a party for the first time! I'm pretty sure I ruined our night out by asking my Hub to pick me up. I was way to drunk and shouldn't drive. I swear the minute he walked in the spell was broken! We remembered we were grown ups! Not those fun woo girls anymore! Poof it was gone!
Either way I'm glad I have her back in my life in whatever form I can get. No we probably aren't the best friends we used to be...but she will always get me and never judge me! And I bet if we tried really hard we could have our mental texting conversations.
I just love her...
I wish there was a most satisfying way to describe my most epic friendship, but there is not! I suppose I should explain.
I met Scar when I was 18.. I worked for her then boyfriend. Truth be told I was ridiculously intimidated by her at first. She is so pretty...blonde and drove a Volkswagen beetle! I had always wanted one! I remember very vividly the moment I knew she was "cool" we were in the Kmart parking lot...lord knows why? She put on the song " in your face" by ebony eyez! I was like yep I really really like her! We hung out a lot that summer. You know very casual...getting tattoos and trying to drink! We weren't 21 yet obviously!
I moved away with Hub. He was going to college about an hour and a half away. We slowly stopped talking. My fault not hers. I really suck at staying in touch with people. I'm a lot better now!
We did talk a few times in between, but we really picked back up when Hub and I broke up. I got reconnected with her through a mutual HD friend and that was it! We were thick as thieves all over again. She got me a job at the Harley Davidson store.
So basically our lives consisted of working together then hanging out every weekend! It was awesome! We were known as the "Harley Girls". Yes, we loved that too! We made too many memories to account for, and too inappropriate to write here :)!
I left after the summer, and went back to Hub. It was the most awful good bye I have ever had to do. My niece was with me, and even commented "I hope I love a friend that much some day"! I cried harder.
When I left Hub again My Scar and I moved in together. We got an apartment we called the palace...and it was awesome! She had also broke up with her longtime boyfriend. She had a new man...I didn't! :(
We basically did all the fucked up stuff two young girls do...or say they wish they did! Looking back I think we almost had something to prove! We were going to be young forever! We thought! Literally I am scared for our lives thinking back! We were wild! And it was awesome! We were Famous in a small town!
Why she is my Scar is harder to explain. We had a retardedly outrageous misunderstanding! We like to pretend it never happened twice! I cringe just thinking about it! I tried to erase her... Tried! It just didn't work! I swear loosing a best friend is worse than loosing an X! At least with an X you can agree that you just don't belong together or some one cheated or the relationship is going no where. Loosing your best friend is like loosing the part of you only she knows!
Every fucking song reminded me if some crazy drunken night... "We are going streaking!", "No Wanda don't shit in the trash can", you girls wanna come on over and let the good times roll...umm NO" lolol! I couldn't watch the MTV movie awards for two years! I stopped loving Kathy Griffin... And God help us if I saw an FJ! It was pretty ridiculous!
We talk now...it is a lot easier! We saw each other last month! So awkward lol! I was so excited! Have you ever been so excited and try to pretend its just another day no big deal! HA! I was like a teenager going to a party for the first time! I'm pretty sure I ruined our night out by asking my Hub to pick me up. I was way to drunk and shouldn't drive. I swear the minute he walked in the spell was broken! We remembered we were grown ups! Not those fun woo girls anymore! Poof it was gone!
Either way I'm glad I have her back in my life in whatever form I can get. No we probably aren't the best friends we used to be...but she will always get me and never judge me! And I bet if we tried really hard we could have our mental texting conversations.
I just love her...
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Bicker bicker
Happy Saturday! I go into this weekend reeling from yet another tif with my Hub. Last week we essentially had the same fight just different subject.
Basically I want to control everything and Hub wants to act like he is 24 and no one to answer to. No, he doesn't want to cheat or be gross. He just wants to trot off to work...not a care in the world...come home, say what's for dinner, stare at his computer screen, and tell me how "important" his work is...go to the gym as he pleases, and play softball on whichever nights suit him regardless of my schedule.
He says I want to put a tracking device up his butt and dictate his every move.
Neither examples are accurate, but you get the idea! I don't really mind him being in his own head during the week. I like to read and watch my shows anyway. My biggest issue is our little darling. She absolutely adores him...adores! He chooses a different parenting approach than I! I can't stand when I feel like he is not paying attention to her or giving her his time. I probably pay too much attention!
Ugh! This weeks fight! We stager our gym times and work shifts so angel baby is away from us the least amount of time. PS I only work 3.5 days a week! He only has to pick her up Tues and Thursday from Daycare. Thursday roles around and I decide to cut out a little early and the catch kettle bell class. I walk in and little miss judgey pants and her very genuinely nice husband are standing there holding their two kids. I'm like heyyyyy insert fake smile...I didn't know you guys belonged here??? Umm yes I did. I have just been pretending the last two times I saw the wife, that I didn't see her. Miss judgey pants is maybe 22 now...basically married her HS sweetie Genuinely nice guy (who works w/ Hub) she instantly got pregnant! Was st. Patricks day green w/ her kids. Meaning breast fed, organic evarythinnggg!, stayed home, baby sign language, co-sleeping, carried them everywhere, and judged everyone who didn't do it the very same way! Then she had the second one! Oh ya barely looked pregnant the whole time...lost baby weight instantly! Then acted like she was still chubby! Yeah basically kill yourself judgey pants!
So she says oh hey how are you! Genuinely nice guy says where's angel baby. I say oh yep I know the answer to that...yep "she is in the gym play room". (where Hub brings her every Thursday while he plays raquette ball after picking her up from daycare) I walk into the play room...and uh oh where is my kid??? Miss judgey pants says nothing. She probably knew I would loose it. I'm obviously mortified...what kind of mother doesn't know where her toddler is??? I calmly walk down to Hub. "where is the baby," I say? "oh at Daycare", he says! I calmly walk away after giving him a "you are so fucked and not in a fun way, when you get home" look!
I leave, miss my class, and go get the baby. When Hub gets home he's like you could have told me you were getting her. I say "oh ya jack ass, you should have gotten her before the gym and brought her with you"! He says "you never would have known if you would had been at work". Now let's pause right there. That's the phrase I'm stuck on! "I never would have known!!!" WTF!!!! That's the problem. I should be informed no matter what! Plus she would have gotten to have her Daddy pick her up...she would have had the snack that I pack for her every Thurs...and she would have gotten the one on one time in the car to and from the gym. He doesn't understand this. Oh and i wouldn't be the subject of judgey pants' play group next week! Hub says she fine and proceeds to tell me that I try to control everything. We were at a stale mate. He slept on the couch...still find it funny he thinks that's a punishment! Haha 200 less pounds of mass in a queen size bed! I slept wonderfully! Now if he would leave the house completely...that's a punishment! I would have robbery and arson dreams, and not sleep a wink!
I text him the next day...hope we can talk tonight. I don't like fighting. He texts back something about having to "take a stand" aka sleeping on the couch lololol to show me he was mr. Man and wouldn't b run by woman folk! Whatever!!!!!!
I call him on the way to work to make sure he still loves me and just like that fight is over! We didn't solve a thing, and Hubs back hurts from the couch!
I wonder if I could train him to "take a stand" by having sex with me then going to sleep on the couch! Yes, that would really teach me ;)
Basically I want to control everything and Hub wants to act like he is 24 and no one to answer to. No, he doesn't want to cheat or be gross. He just wants to trot off to work...not a care in the world...come home, say what's for dinner, stare at his computer screen, and tell me how "important" his work is...go to the gym as he pleases, and play softball on whichever nights suit him regardless of my schedule.
He says I want to put a tracking device up his butt and dictate his every move.
Neither examples are accurate, but you get the idea! I don't really mind him being in his own head during the week. I like to read and watch my shows anyway. My biggest issue is our little darling. She absolutely adores him...adores! He chooses a different parenting approach than I! I can't stand when I feel like he is not paying attention to her or giving her his time. I probably pay too much attention!
Ugh! This weeks fight! We stager our gym times and work shifts so angel baby is away from us the least amount of time. PS I only work 3.5 days a week! He only has to pick her up Tues and Thursday from Daycare. Thursday roles around and I decide to cut out a little early and the catch kettle bell class. I walk in and little miss judgey pants and her very genuinely nice husband are standing there holding their two kids. I'm like heyyyyy insert fake smile...I didn't know you guys belonged here??? Umm yes I did. I have just been pretending the last two times I saw the wife, that I didn't see her. Miss judgey pants is maybe 22 now...basically married her HS sweetie Genuinely nice guy (who works w/ Hub) she instantly got pregnant! Was st. Patricks day green w/ her kids. Meaning breast fed, organic evarythinnggg!, stayed home, baby sign language, co-sleeping, carried them everywhere, and judged everyone who didn't do it the very same way! Then she had the second one! Oh ya barely looked pregnant the whole time...lost baby weight instantly! Then acted like she was still chubby! Yeah basically kill yourself judgey pants!
So she says oh hey how are you! Genuinely nice guy says where's angel baby. I say oh yep I know the answer to that...yep "she is in the gym play room". (where Hub brings her every Thursday while he plays raquette ball after picking her up from daycare) I walk into the play room...and uh oh where is my kid??? Miss judgey pants says nothing. She probably knew I would loose it. I'm obviously mortified...what kind of mother doesn't know where her toddler is??? I calmly walk down to Hub. "where is the baby," I say? "oh at Daycare", he says! I calmly walk away after giving him a "you are so fucked and not in a fun way, when you get home" look!
I leave, miss my class, and go get the baby. When Hub gets home he's like you could have told me you were getting her. I say "oh ya jack ass, you should have gotten her before the gym and brought her with you"! He says "you never would have known if you would had been at work". Now let's pause right there. That's the phrase I'm stuck on! "I never would have known!!!" WTF!!!! That's the problem. I should be informed no matter what! Plus she would have gotten to have her Daddy pick her up...she would have had the snack that I pack for her every Thurs...and she would have gotten the one on one time in the car to and from the gym. He doesn't understand this. Oh and i wouldn't be the subject of judgey pants' play group next week! Hub says she fine and proceeds to tell me that I try to control everything. We were at a stale mate. He slept on the couch...still find it funny he thinks that's a punishment! Haha 200 less pounds of mass in a queen size bed! I slept wonderfully! Now if he would leave the house completely...that's a punishment! I would have robbery and arson dreams, and not sleep a wink!
I text him the next day...hope we can talk tonight. I don't like fighting. He texts back something about having to "take a stand" aka sleeping on the couch lololol to show me he was mr. Man and wouldn't b run by woman folk! Whatever!!!!!!
I call him on the way to work to make sure he still loves me and just like that fight is over! We didn't solve a thing, and Hubs back hurts from the couch!
I wonder if I could train him to "take a stand" by having sex with me then going to sleep on the couch! Yes, that would really teach me ;)
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Baby talk
I'm very satisfied with my daughter! She is incredibly smart, independent, and a very happy child. Seriously, she amazes me every day. She was playing with a toy that said "ok let's count to ten"...then she did! I was like WTH???? I mean she just learns things! I prob sound like a freak counting everything or singing the ABC's over and over along w/ her other favorites, but soooo worth it when she picks it up! It's the most amazing part of being a mom! Literally watching her learn and react to the world around her. I think I have said that before, but I am a proud momma!
Now that is kind of the problem! I am so content with the her...I have no desire to have any more. So much so, I have tried to convince my Hub to get a vasectomy! His response was "I'm not 100% on having another child either. I just don't want to finalize anything." To me this sounded like...don't worry you will get baby fever some day! Ummm wrong, I'm good big guy! But am I???
My cons:
-I will probably have to stop working. Which will ultimately lead to some sort of mental shut down. I love working! It gets me out of the house...I feel like a grown up for a few hours...and I make some $ for myself!
-I had terrible postpartum depression. I didn't feel right for over a year. The first 6 months were awful! I just felt like I was going through the motions.
-Am I ready to give up another 2years of freedom? I year of trying/pregnancy...and second year of nursing!
-I do not want another girl...although if I had one I wouldn't send it back or anything! I'm sure she would be perfect in every way and I would adore her. I'm just scared another girl would interfere in my relationship with R. I want to be close with my kid...I was not close with my Mother! I'm so the type of person who has a favorite! You know how moms say oh I love all my kids the same!?!? Bullshit! All the siblings always know the favorite! If I had a boy it would be different. Two girls would send me into "don't fuck your kids up overload."
-I don't want to gain a million pounds again!
My pros:
-All only children are spoiled assholes! I'm not raising an asshole!
-My Hub wants more children. I want my Hub to be happy!
-I would get to nurse again. I loved it! Even though it was a sacrifice...and I felt relief when it was over. You can't compare that kind of connection to anything else.
-I know it would be cute. Who doesn't need more cute people in the world.
-I truly value my relationships with my siblings...I want R to have that in her life!
-When I'm around my friends daughter I want more! I blame them for having such a sweet cute little girl! Even though the girls are essentially the same age...I think, hmmm this is awesome! Not terrible at all! This would be awesome...just one would be smaller and cry more!
-I won't have to have anymore if we have another. People keep asking and I keep avoiding the question! After two I will be certain I'm finished...right?
Ugh 2? I would be outnumbered at least 45 hours a week! Haha! I can't! To be continued... I guess I will give it another year. My Hub and I can decide then!
Now that is kind of the problem! I am so content with the her...I have no desire to have any more. So much so, I have tried to convince my Hub to get a vasectomy! His response was "I'm not 100% on having another child either. I just don't want to finalize anything." To me this sounded like...don't worry you will get baby fever some day! Ummm wrong, I'm good big guy! But am I???
My cons:
-I will probably have to stop working. Which will ultimately lead to some sort of mental shut down. I love working! It gets me out of the house...I feel like a grown up for a few hours...and I make some $ for myself!
-I had terrible postpartum depression. I didn't feel right for over a year. The first 6 months were awful! I just felt like I was going through the motions.
-Am I ready to give up another 2years of freedom? I year of trying/pregnancy...and second year of nursing!
-I do not want another girl...although if I had one I wouldn't send it back or anything! I'm sure she would be perfect in every way and I would adore her. I'm just scared another girl would interfere in my relationship with R. I want to be close with my kid...I was not close with my Mother! I'm so the type of person who has a favorite! You know how moms say oh I love all my kids the same!?!? Bullshit! All the siblings always know the favorite! If I had a boy it would be different. Two girls would send me into "don't fuck your kids up overload."
-I don't want to gain a million pounds again!
My pros:
-All only children are spoiled assholes! I'm not raising an asshole!
-My Hub wants more children. I want my Hub to be happy!
-I would get to nurse again. I loved it! Even though it was a sacrifice...and I felt relief when it was over. You can't compare that kind of connection to anything else.
-I know it would be cute. Who doesn't need more cute people in the world.
-I truly value my relationships with my siblings...I want R to have that in her life!
-When I'm around my friends daughter I want more! I blame them for having such a sweet cute little girl! Even though the girls are essentially the same age...I think, hmmm this is awesome! Not terrible at all! This would be awesome...just one would be smaller and cry more!
-I won't have to have anymore if we have another. People keep asking and I keep avoiding the question! After two I will be certain I'm finished...right?
Ugh 2? I would be outnumbered at least 45 hours a week! Haha! I can't! To be continued... I guess I will give it another year. My Hub and I can decide then!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Win some and lose some
Today is a day of....anxiety of course!
I drank almost 5 days in a row at the end of last week. I was home visiting my friends and family. Every time I go home I hang out with a ton of people I have not seen in months...and usually alcohol is involved!
I was with out my Hub for most of the trip. This is a terrible combination! Me drinking a ton and no one to keep me sane! Lol sane is maybe a bad choice of words. It's just that I don't act like a lunatic when he is around. Maybe I know he's the only one who will tell me "hey dumbass knock it off"!
So my anxiety is stemming from some of my friends seeing my completely wasted antics...and others I have told the story!
I will start by making excuses for myself. I drank for five hours at a winery all day. We evidently drank so much they cut us off! Wow that was officially the first time that ever happened to me. My brother was our sober driver, and took us to a new bar. A skanky little bar in my home town. I drank $1 drafts and some dumbass was buying us rumple mints shots! Still irritated with that girl!
After that it's gets some what blurry! I unfortunately never have those black out drunk moments...only once in my life did I have a night I truly do not remember! I'm thankful for the blurriness though, I would prob be much more embarrassed if it were more clear!
We go to eat at Steak n' Shake. I would like to remind everyone that it is only 6 or 7pm at this point! We walk in looking awful I'm sure. We sit down and an older lady makes some snide comment about how trashed we were and stupid kids or something. I then let this lady have it! I told her don't take it out on us bc you're old and fat and hate your life! Her husband freaked out and started wagging his finger at me saying don't you disrespect my wife like that. I told him to kill himself and something else like what are you gonna do about it!
Seriously...WTF!!! Is wrong with me! Those people must have been horrified! I'm horrified. I don't know why I was being so mean...I blame the rumple mints!
I guess I'm a mean drunk. It just takes a lot of drink to get me to that point! Either way I wish I could apologize to that lady and explain I was in some sort of drunk induced psychosis! Ugh horrifying!
To make matters worse I have been busy apologizing to my friend S and and my brother. Hoping they believe me that I don't normally behave that way. The friends I have told the story to seem to be just as horrified! Awesome!!!
I tell my Hub...he's not even concerned . He simply says babe you can't be acting like that! He also reminds me that shit would never have happened if he was there. I say why??? He says bc I would have taken your drunk ass out before you could embarrass me! Thanks Hunny! Drop kick me into sobriety!
I drank almost 5 days in a row at the end of last week. I was home visiting my friends and family. Every time I go home I hang out with a ton of people I have not seen in months...and usually alcohol is involved!
I was with out my Hub for most of the trip. This is a terrible combination! Me drinking a ton and no one to keep me sane! Lol sane is maybe a bad choice of words. It's just that I don't act like a lunatic when he is around. Maybe I know he's the only one who will tell me "hey dumbass knock it off"!
So my anxiety is stemming from some of my friends seeing my completely wasted antics...and others I have told the story!
I will start by making excuses for myself. I drank for five hours at a winery all day. We evidently drank so much they cut us off! Wow that was officially the first time that ever happened to me. My brother was our sober driver, and took us to a new bar. A skanky little bar in my home town. I drank $1 drafts and some dumbass was buying us rumple mints shots! Still irritated with that girl!
After that it's gets some what blurry! I unfortunately never have those black out drunk moments...only once in my life did I have a night I truly do not remember! I'm thankful for the blurriness though, I would prob be much more embarrassed if it were more clear!
We go to eat at Steak n' Shake. I would like to remind everyone that it is only 6 or 7pm at this point! We walk in looking awful I'm sure. We sit down and an older lady makes some snide comment about how trashed we were and stupid kids or something. I then let this lady have it! I told her don't take it out on us bc you're old and fat and hate your life! Her husband freaked out and started wagging his finger at me saying don't you disrespect my wife like that. I told him to kill himself and something else like what are you gonna do about it!
Seriously...WTF!!! Is wrong with me! Those people must have been horrified! I'm horrified. I don't know why I was being so mean...I blame the rumple mints!
I guess I'm a mean drunk. It just takes a lot of drink to get me to that point! Either way I wish I could apologize to that lady and explain I was in some sort of drunk induced psychosis! Ugh horrifying!
To make matters worse I have been busy apologizing to my friend S and and my brother. Hoping they believe me that I don't normally behave that way. The friends I have told the story to seem to be just as horrified! Awesome!!!
I tell my Hub...he's not even concerned . He simply says babe you can't be acting like that! He also reminds me that shit would never have happened if he was there. I say why??? He says bc I would have taken your drunk ass out before you could embarrass me! Thanks Hunny! Drop kick me into sobriety!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Anxiety
I know that most people have a mild form of anxiety. Some people have extreme...or somewhere in the middle anxiety!
Today I feel like the middle making it's way to extreme. Today it's so much worse than normal because I can't really pin point why or where its coming from. I feel like I'm just on the verge of freaking out! Lord I have issues!
My stressor lately:
I have been wondering if all Moms instantly feel this really close bond with there child?!?! I go in and out of super closeness to hmm does she even like me? It freaks me the fuck out! As I have stated before I don't want to screw her up or make her weird. So, I try to reign in my co-dependent nature and allow her to set her boundaries. Meaning...if she doesn't want to hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands while in the car, or sit next to me while we watch V-V (TV) - then I do not force her. Sometimes it sucks so bad I just want to scream "what the heck kid?; try and get your own milk out of the fridge and heat up your own vreen vreens (green beans)! Of course I never say this out loud. I internalize and whine to my hub!
Then out of nowhere like all that Mommy you don't matter to me stuff ever happened...she is obsessed! Up my ass can't leave the room, have to hold hands in the car, kisses and hugs all day, and help cleaning up! Like my little lovable side kick out of nowhere!
Maybe that's just how kids are...I know I just need to relax! But this is definitely something I wasn't told before I was a Mom. It's not really something most people talk about I guess. I thought I was basically giving birth to "love"! As if she was put here to love love love me all the days then hate me when she's a teenager and then love love love me again! I'm prepared for the teenager thing...but seriously she is 19months old!!!
I need to call my mom!
On the opposite side of the spectrum I suppose I have days like her also...days when I just wish her nap would be a little bit longer. I sometimes drag my feet on the nights my hub is picking her up from daycare. ...squeezing every second of alone time I have!
Maybe my sweet angel and I are so similar I have failed to see it! After re-reading this post I think...your baby is just like you dumbass! She likes her space sometimes too!
Ok ok I will heat up your vreen vreens and get your milk when u don't want to sit next to me during Melmo and Big big (big bird) time!
Today I feel like the middle making it's way to extreme. Today it's so much worse than normal because I can't really pin point why or where its coming from. I feel like I'm just on the verge of freaking out! Lord I have issues!
My stressor lately:
I have been wondering if all Moms instantly feel this really close bond with there child?!?! I go in and out of super closeness to hmm does she even like me? It freaks me the fuck out! As I have stated before I don't want to screw her up or make her weird. So, I try to reign in my co-dependent nature and allow her to set her boundaries. Meaning...if she doesn't want to hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands while in the car, or sit next to me while we watch V-V (TV) - then I do not force her. Sometimes it sucks so bad I just want to scream "what the heck kid?; try and get your own milk out of the fridge and heat up your own vreen vreens (green beans)! Of course I never say this out loud. I internalize and whine to my hub!
Then out of nowhere like all that Mommy you don't matter to me stuff ever happened...she is obsessed! Up my ass can't leave the room, have to hold hands in the car, kisses and hugs all day, and help cleaning up! Like my little lovable side kick out of nowhere!
Maybe that's just how kids are...I know I just need to relax! But this is definitely something I wasn't told before I was a Mom. It's not really something most people talk about I guess. I thought I was basically giving birth to "love"! As if she was put here to love love love me all the days then hate me when she's a teenager and then love love love me again! I'm prepared for the teenager thing...but seriously she is 19months old!!!
I need to call my mom!
On the opposite side of the spectrum I suppose I have days like her also...days when I just wish her nap would be a little bit longer. I sometimes drag my feet on the nights my hub is picking her up from daycare. ...squeezing every second of alone time I have!
Maybe my sweet angel and I are so similar I have failed to see it! After re-reading this post I think...your baby is just like you dumbass! She likes her space sometimes too!
Ok ok I will heat up your vreen vreens and get your milk when u don't want to sit next to me during Melmo and Big big (big bird) time!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
strange company
My Hub and I did spend some time apart. This I have alluded to several times in my blog so far. Some day I think I will go through the ins and outs of that. For right now I will just give you the run down so you can understand my strange company.
The Hub and I were officially broken up for a year and 4 months. It was aweful!!! I literally had to fight the urge to run crying back to him daily. And no it never got easier....never! It actually got harder! I left him. Everyone always asks that...not sure why it matters, but either way you are informed. I wanted to spend some time on my own two feet. I moved out of my parents house into his house and followed him to college then new state as he was progressing through his education and career. My life during this time was almost at a stand still. My own decision...not his. We were engaged when I left him...making it even worse to deam him my X Fiance!!! Seriously, I would have rather been divorced.
I did not just leave to be on my own...but that was the biggest part. We both had several things we needed to handle before we commited to either eachother or anyone else for that matter. We had been together for 5 years by then. I began dating him when I was 18...2months from my 19th birhtday! He was older...26.
I went back home got a job and lived with my sister. I felt rediculously sorry for myself for a long long long time. I went back to him a few months later and then left after a month...breaking his heart agian. Please let me tell you...we never stoped talking. He and I talked/texted/emailed the entire time. Even if we were dating someone else. Which yes we even talked about to eachother...weird!
Fast forward to being apart for over a year and the Hub meets someone. He really liked her and I think I may have lost my mind during this time. He came to visit me and said he was trying to decide if he wanted to be with this new person we will call her Sandra D lol or me. I was beyond ready to begin our life together at this point....PS I asked to get back together before he was seeing Sandra D. He just wasn't ready to trust that I was commited yet...or wanted me to suffer like I had made him suffer...who knows! Ps I came back to him and left him twice! Who does that!
Best part of the drama is that Sandra D was and still is married!!! She left her husband during this time and MOVED IN with Hub. I was horrified! She actually moved in when he was visiting ME!!! poetic?? no...fucking weird! I freaked out...of course! Hub and I started talking less while she lived there..obviously! I even freaked out one night and drove the 10 hour drive in the middle of the night to go see him. I was not aware she lived there yet! I found that out the hard way! AWKWARD!!!
The extremely humiliating and cruel details aside...her and I are now friends! WTH? You ask...I know!
It was about 2 years after Hub an I were back together. Married and had angel baby at this point! (ya, we didn't mess around) Sandra D became friends with one of my best friends and the ever so evil Facebook. I saw of course and lost my shit!
My friend A apologized and said she didn't know...I didn't really care! I was more freaking out bc it felt like the drama was starting back up again!
Any who...she claims she felt bad for starting up new drama and wanted to "talk". She asked Hub if this would be allowable. He laughed!
My curiosity beat out anger and I sent her an email. She messages me back the next day. Then we talked each others faces off for the next month or so and finally decide to meet! It was strange and exciting! Haha and now we are good friends! Who would have thought we had such similar personalities. ;)
We still hang out and do our bi-weekly happy hours. Some times we even get drunk enough to get strangers to guess how we met!
The Hub and I were officially broken up for a year and 4 months. It was aweful!!! I literally had to fight the urge to run crying back to him daily. And no it never got easier....never! It actually got harder! I left him. Everyone always asks that...not sure why it matters, but either way you are informed. I wanted to spend some time on my own two feet. I moved out of my parents house into his house and followed him to college then new state as he was progressing through his education and career. My life during this time was almost at a stand still. My own decision...not his. We were engaged when I left him...making it even worse to deam him my X Fiance!!! Seriously, I would have rather been divorced.
I did not just leave to be on my own...but that was the biggest part. We both had several things we needed to handle before we commited to either eachother or anyone else for that matter. We had been together for 5 years by then. I began dating him when I was 18...2months from my 19th birhtday! He was older...26.
I went back home got a job and lived with my sister. I felt rediculously sorry for myself for a long long long time. I went back to him a few months later and then left after a month...breaking his heart agian. Please let me tell you...we never stoped talking. He and I talked/texted/emailed the entire time. Even if we were dating someone else. Which yes we even talked about to eachother...weird!
Fast forward to being apart for over a year and the Hub meets someone. He really liked her and I think I may have lost my mind during this time. He came to visit me and said he was trying to decide if he wanted to be with this new person we will call her Sandra D lol or me. I was beyond ready to begin our life together at this point....PS I asked to get back together before he was seeing Sandra D. He just wasn't ready to trust that I was commited yet...or wanted me to suffer like I had made him suffer...who knows! Ps I came back to him and left him twice! Who does that!
Best part of the drama is that Sandra D was and still is married!!! She left her husband during this time and MOVED IN with Hub. I was horrified! She actually moved in when he was visiting ME!!! poetic?? no...fucking weird! I freaked out...of course! Hub and I started talking less while she lived there..obviously! I even freaked out one night and drove the 10 hour drive in the middle of the night to go see him. I was not aware she lived there yet! I found that out the hard way! AWKWARD!!!
The extremely humiliating and cruel details aside...her and I are now friends! WTH? You ask...I know!
It was about 2 years after Hub an I were back together. Married and had angel baby at this point! (ya, we didn't mess around) Sandra D became friends with one of my best friends and the ever so evil Facebook. I saw of course and lost my shit!
My friend A apologized and said she didn't know...I didn't really care! I was more freaking out bc it felt like the drama was starting back up again!
Any who...she claims she felt bad for starting up new drama and wanted to "talk". She asked Hub if this would be allowable. He laughed!
My curiosity beat out anger and I sent her an email. She messages me back the next day. Then we talked each others faces off for the next month or so and finally decide to meet! It was strange and exciting! Haha and now we are good friends! Who would have thought we had such similar personalities. ;)
We still hang out and do our bi-weekly happy hours. Some times we even get drunk enough to get strangers to guess how we met!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Vegas...medium part 2
K-Slice and I decide to go back to the pool, but less purple drank! We see fun guys from day before, and one is in the hot tub with a lady friend. K-Slice and I talk to her...Ashley, who ends up being really cool. (even though she was Canadian and a Pharmacist) I usually dislike both of those genres of people...maybe the combo is what made it ok! Who knows! We did drink some! I liked it..K-Slice was still meh from the drinking yesterday!
We left the pool and walked the strip with our new friends. We walked for a a few hours. It was great! We saw all the cool sites and saw the Bellagio lights show! The fun guys had pot I may or may not have had some! (seriously don't do drugs) Cool lights! OMG I am a mother! Oh, right my beautiful baby is at home with her awesome daddy, and I am in Vegas...yes!
ez E texts us that she wants to have dinner with us and then she is going! I was capital I IRRITATED! I am not an insensitive prick, but if you need to go..then go! Don't ruin everyone elses time! Martinis at dinner were fantastic!!! ez E lost her mind about some change and then had anal sex with the buss boy! haha kidding! I did have a MOM moment at dinner showing off pictures of our kids with the waiter.
ez E left! K-Slice and I finished getting ready and left. I may or may not have smoked more pot before we went to the club! I was wasted! or I wasn't! On our elevator ride to the club I laughed so hard I peed my dress! Looking back now...I should be much more humiliated than I was. K-Slice just laughed and looked slightly horrified! We immediately went to the restroom. I'm an idiot! There was a Lowe's convention in town! O MY middle aged, over weight blue collar people everywhere. It was quite a different scene from Saturday night! We went back to the room...bc remember I peed my dress! I took care of things and we went back out!
We stumbled on a request band! This band was so good. We sat down at a table and began drinking. I was so trashed I remember writing down smart ass comments to the band and putting it in their request jar. The band had fun with it and even at least attempted to play all my songs! We were having a great time! THEN......we got a text from ez E it said "where are you guys? I'm coming back. It just didn't feel right." I was like WTF!? K-Slice is much nicer than I and text her back where we were. I refused to text her back.
It suddenly hit me at this moment that she was certifiable. Not like the kind of crazy we all think we are, but really aren't. I mean she was a wack job! Any who...she showed up and began the explaining and crying game again. I was so over it at this point. I literally had to sit side ways in the chair with my back to he. This was my meager effort to not give her a detailed description of her insanity! I wouldn't even listen! When she kept going on and on... I would just change the subject as if she wasn't even saying sad things trying to ruin out night. She finally asked me if I was alright? I was like "Yes, you need to drink!"
One martini later and she was a wild woman. She ran out on the dance floor and ripped off her hoodie...no bra under her cami btw! She started doing some sort of Elain Bennis funky chicken sex gyrate! Even the band was like...WTF just happened! They almost stopped playing. Her granny panties were hanging out the back...it was definitely a sight! K-Slice, who was battling acid reflux, was like "I don't need to drink if ez E keeps this up." We all danced pretty much until 3am. It was fun...BUT
I still had this strange feeling that I hadn't done what I had set out to do! That being said...It hit me the other day that my Hub and I had a much more rambunctious adolescence and early adult hood than most. I am a significantly calmer person now....as is my Hub! I don't think I will have many nights like I used to. I blush now just thinking about some of the escapdes I was involved in!
The last thing ez E said to me before she fell asleep that night was "we have to do this again soon"! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I was like...Umm Fuck NO!
We woke up went to brunch and made our way to the airport. I was like oh shoot...I have to ditch the drugs..lol! I thought about setting it in ashtray for a stranger to find...(which is what I told K-Slice I did)! Sorry K!!! I didn't want you to worry! What I actually did was give it to the cabbie...as a tip! haha Great tip bc ez E had already given him $! The best part was he didn't even act like it was weird! He just stashed it in his pocket and grabbed our luggage!
The flight back was delightful! I met a nice older gentleman named Larry! His wife passed last year and he wanted to tell me all about her and his kids...and his fatty daughter in law! He was funny! He even told me his brother died of an over dose...I was like "Oh My Larry I didn't know old people did drugs!" He says..."me either!" too funny!
The connecting flight was late and we were so exhausted. We finally got to Pittsburgh...These ladies jumped up and tried to push past us. I was so irritated! Why do people do that on planes. If we all exit our rows then we will all eventually get out faster than trying to push past each other! I stood up and blocked the 2nd lady...the Mom to the daughter that had just pushed past us. I even held my ground so K-Slice could get out. OMG this lady was furious. Us girls walked to the tram where we were greeted with two ladies. The one walked right up to me and stood there. I turned and said "hello" very delighted! She then announced to everyone that I had stomped her toe and I was so rude and I needed to apologize right then and there. I said nothing...I could already tell these ladies were looking for a fight. I had guessed they had some deep seeded Rosa Parks issues and were demanding an apology from the white girls who wanted to get off the plane first. You know the type...a minority who is confrontational and already has it set in there mind you did what you did because of what they look like..instead of the actual reason...They were ass holes and needed to wait their turn. The yelling on their part didn't stop and I didn't start. I simply said something along the lines of you should have waited your turn. I was actually kind of embarrassed, which rarely happens to me! They literally called us trailer trash and threatened to kick our asses! LOL K-Slice looks at them and says "are you going to apologize?" I think she was getting scared. I was not scared...but then again I assume everyone is like me. I have been in a fight before. I was not afraid of some old lady and her 20something daughter! I finally turned to K-Slice and said what ended the fight...weirdly. I said "well K at least after all of this we still get to be white"! I know I know! I'm a fucking CUNT! I just can't help it. I didn't mean it. I have this strange ability to hone in on exactly someones insecurities or the very thing that would cut them to silence...and then say that even when I don't mean it! It worked kinda. They calmed down or said something along the lines of they can't be helped! lol K-Slice was horrified! She even gasped when I said it! An old lady gave me a dirty look! Oh well I'm over it. (I'm not racist...just saying)
I finally made it to the car! I got to see my baby and my Hub and all was forgotten! I was HOME! UGH!! I decided right then that it will be a long time before I go on a trip with out the Hub! I just have so much fun with him. If he had been with me the whole time it would have been less Medium...I missed him too much.
We left the pool and walked the strip with our new friends. We walked for a a few hours. It was great! We saw all the cool sites and saw the Bellagio lights show! The fun guys had pot I may or may not have had some! (seriously don't do drugs) Cool lights! OMG I am a mother! Oh, right my beautiful baby is at home with her awesome daddy, and I am in Vegas...yes!
ez E texts us that she wants to have dinner with us and then she is going! I was capital I IRRITATED! I am not an insensitive prick, but if you need to go..then go! Don't ruin everyone elses time! Martinis at dinner were fantastic!!! ez E lost her mind about some change and then had anal sex with the buss boy! haha kidding! I did have a MOM moment at dinner showing off pictures of our kids with the waiter.
ez E left! K-Slice and I finished getting ready and left. I may or may not have smoked more pot before we went to the club! I was wasted! or I wasn't! On our elevator ride to the club I laughed so hard I peed my dress! Looking back now...I should be much more humiliated than I was. K-Slice just laughed and looked slightly horrified! We immediately went to the restroom. I'm an idiot! There was a Lowe's convention in town! O MY middle aged, over weight blue collar people everywhere. It was quite a different scene from Saturday night! We went back to the room...bc remember I peed my dress! I took care of things and we went back out!
We stumbled on a request band! This band was so good. We sat down at a table and began drinking. I was so trashed I remember writing down smart ass comments to the band and putting it in their request jar. The band had fun with it and even at least attempted to play all my songs! We were having a great time! THEN......we got a text from ez E it said "where are you guys? I'm coming back. It just didn't feel right." I was like WTF!? K-Slice is much nicer than I and text her back where we were. I refused to text her back.
It suddenly hit me at this moment that she was certifiable. Not like the kind of crazy we all think we are, but really aren't. I mean she was a wack job! Any who...she showed up and began the explaining and crying game again. I was so over it at this point. I literally had to sit side ways in the chair with my back to he. This was my meager effort to not give her a detailed description of her insanity! I wouldn't even listen! When she kept going on and on... I would just change the subject as if she wasn't even saying sad things trying to ruin out night. She finally asked me if I was alright? I was like "Yes, you need to drink!"
One martini later and she was a wild woman. She ran out on the dance floor and ripped off her hoodie...no bra under her cami btw! She started doing some sort of Elain Bennis funky chicken sex gyrate! Even the band was like...WTF just happened! They almost stopped playing. Her granny panties were hanging out the back...it was definitely a sight! K-Slice, who was battling acid reflux, was like "I don't need to drink if ez E keeps this up." We all danced pretty much until 3am. It was fun...BUT
I still had this strange feeling that I hadn't done what I had set out to do! That being said...It hit me the other day that my Hub and I had a much more rambunctious adolescence and early adult hood than most. I am a significantly calmer person now....as is my Hub! I don't think I will have many nights like I used to. I blush now just thinking about some of the escapdes I was involved in!
The last thing ez E said to me before she fell asleep that night was "we have to do this again soon"! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I was like...Umm Fuck NO!
We woke up went to brunch and made our way to the airport. I was like oh shoot...I have to ditch the drugs..lol! I thought about setting it in ashtray for a stranger to find...(which is what I told K-Slice I did)! Sorry K!!! I didn't want you to worry! What I actually did was give it to the cabbie...as a tip! haha Great tip bc ez E had already given him $! The best part was he didn't even act like it was weird! He just stashed it in his pocket and grabbed our luggage!
The flight back was delightful! I met a nice older gentleman named Larry! His wife passed last year and he wanted to tell me all about her and his kids...and his fatty daughter in law! He was funny! He even told me his brother died of an over dose...I was like "Oh My Larry I didn't know old people did drugs!" He says..."me either!" too funny!
The connecting flight was late and we were so exhausted. We finally got to Pittsburgh...These ladies jumped up and tried to push past us. I was so irritated! Why do people do that on planes. If we all exit our rows then we will all eventually get out faster than trying to push past each other! I stood up and blocked the 2nd lady...the Mom to the daughter that had just pushed past us. I even held my ground so K-Slice could get out. OMG this lady was furious. Us girls walked to the tram where we were greeted with two ladies. The one walked right up to me and stood there. I turned and said "hello" very delighted! She then announced to everyone that I had stomped her toe and I was so rude and I needed to apologize right then and there. I said nothing...I could already tell these ladies were looking for a fight. I had guessed they had some deep seeded Rosa Parks issues and were demanding an apology from the white girls who wanted to get off the plane first. You know the type...a minority who is confrontational and already has it set in there mind you did what you did because of what they look like..instead of the actual reason...They were ass holes and needed to wait their turn. The yelling on their part didn't stop and I didn't start. I simply said something along the lines of you should have waited your turn. I was actually kind of embarrassed, which rarely happens to me! They literally called us trailer trash and threatened to kick our asses! LOL K-Slice looks at them and says "are you going to apologize?" I think she was getting scared. I was not scared...but then again I assume everyone is like me. I have been in a fight before. I was not afraid of some old lady and her 20something daughter! I finally turned to K-Slice and said what ended the fight...weirdly. I said "well K at least after all of this we still get to be white"! I know I know! I'm a fucking CUNT! I just can't help it. I didn't mean it. I have this strange ability to hone in on exactly someones insecurities or the very thing that would cut them to silence...and then say that even when I don't mean it! It worked kinda. They calmed down or said something along the lines of they can't be helped! lol K-Slice was horrified! She even gasped when I said it! An old lady gave me a dirty look! Oh well I'm over it. (I'm not racist...just saying)
I finally made it to the car! I got to see my baby and my Hub and all was forgotten! I was HOME! UGH!! I decided right then that it will be a long time before I go on a trip with out the Hub! I just have so much fun with him. If he had been with me the whole time it would have been less Medium...I missed him too much.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Fucking Vegas...medium part 1
I have to post more often!!! I blog in my head so often...must type thoughts!!!
SO I went to Vegas with my awesome friend K-Slice and some strange girl she works with...I call her ez E. Any who. I was so nervous and excited about this trip before I left I could hardly contain myself. I was full of OMG I am going to be the boring "mom" and no one will have fun! I was extremely nervous about being the only married person going also!
Trip began on the first flight. K-Slice and I got to sit by each other and we decided that was a good as time as any to begin drinking! We also sat next to the freaking cutest 21 year old boy on his way to study abroad...New Zealand maybe. Anyway, 5 hour flight turned into drinking laughing and convincing this boy to be young free, and not be tied down while enjoying a once in a lifetime trip in New Zealand! He had a girlfriend back home...dumb ass! Oh, and the best part he thought K-Slice and I were on spring break! OMG! I thanked him! hahahaha
We got into Vegas around 1am...4am EST! We were exhausted! We checked in and went to bed...woke up way too early! Well, it was early, but I was ready to get my party on! We went to brunch where the drinking began! All you drink mimosas and bloody mary's....this is where it got weird!
So, you know me I started poking and prodding at the new girl. I got her to talk and I was not prepared...not at all! ez E decided to enlighten me to her sexual status...Virgin! Then proceeded to inform us about all the anal sex she has had. Which ,I am sorry holier than though lady, makes you not a VIRGIN!!! I was kinda taken back... I haven't even done that! Not that I judge! I say do your thing, but don't do it to try and hold on to some kind of intimacy that you have fabricated by some holy roller christian upbringing! ughghghg!
We ...by we I mean ez E decided we should walk the strip. I agreed as did K-Slice. I know I can be a persuasive over bearing personality and just chose to back off for the trip. I know!! It was weird for me too! The strip walk lasted all of an hour...maybe! It was beautiful outside, sunny and 77 degrees. K-Slice suddenly reminds us that she saw signs for a beach at our resort. I was SOLD! We went back to the resort...by we I mean K-Slice and I. ez E decided to gamble! BORING! Jebus lady! Drinks in the hot tub...Sun! ugh again!
K-Slice and I made friends with two different sets of people. The first was an african american couple the man was wasted and the girl was umm waterever. She was kinda boring and didn't say much. She laughed a lot at Marcus <--the guy and he was funny. He kept pointing out all of the degenerates and weirdos! He was even making fun of black people! I was like omg I am not allowed to do that...uncomfortable! He thought that was even funnier! We then met these guys from Connecticut...maybe. They were my favorites! They were normal and really funny...didn't immediately quit talking to me once they found out I was married, but didn't hit on me either! We drank with them most of the day. OMG Purple drank! K-Slice decided to have to bartender make a crazy concoction of booze and we named it...Purple Drank! Jebus we were drunk! I will have to say this portion of the trip was by far my favorite!
We went upstairs to change and become beautified for show/dinner/club. K-Slice and I were trashed! I swam...literally back stroked in the tub while she showered. Insert the freak!!! ez Z decided to get my phone and K-Slices phone and take pictures of us for our men! (she tried to tell us we asked for said service...So didn't) I wasn't black out drunk! She was successful in sending the naked picture to my Hub. Less successful at sending K-Slices, thank God, to her BRAND NEW BOY! Ya, who does that ez E! Not everyone is comfortable with anal after the first date! My Hub texts me like 3 hours later and says nice ass..."are you drunk?" I said "nope I always swim in hotel bath tubs and let strangers take pictures of me." His reply..."I know!" LOL
We make it to the show after a forced vomiting spell by K-slice and me frantically trying to reach my Hub. No luck on my end. The show was medium. I liked all the woopety woo stuff like nudey twirling and growling and water aerobics. (Thank God I am not a Cirque critic.) It was cool...I would like to see another one. Maybe stoned or something next time! (No I am not an avid drug user) Oh, and Hub finally called me back. He is so shitty at having a phone! He was like...what? are you having fun? I was like umm you have my baby and I haven't been away from her like this before. Hub-oh ok sorry love you don't ger roofied. Me-love you too. I was honestly waiting for him to spaz out a little and be jealous...nope didn't happen! BORING!!
We then head to dinner. I was slightly or very annoyed at this. It was 10pm and yes I was hungry, but more cheeseburger and begin drinking again hungry! My group had decided and I agreed to go to an expensive restaurant by some famous chef. Sort version...I was crabby...food wasn't fantastic....and it cost $120...just my meal! I was furious, but hey like some strange guy said What do you expect...its Vegas!
K-Slice manned up and went out with me. I wanted to meet up with our earlier friends. K-Slice was less inclined to do so. Prob smart...they were fun, but definitely don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. I have a chronic problem with not thinking about those sorts of things. I was like...hmmm they were fun earlier and I would like to have fun now...insert fun people! OMG I am like some sort of King demanding my jester! Lord, I need to think of other peoples perspective sometimes. K-Slice and I went to an outside bar with a really cool DJ. He was so animated. I could barely dance because he was putting on such a good show! We then walked further down the strip to some club I had heard people talking about earlier. We gave up and went back...so tired!
I woke up the next morning feeling like a fucking failure and bound and determined to live the next 24 hours up! Then I hear sobbing! OMG are you fucking kidding me! Yes, that was my insensitive initial thought! ez E was crying... Evidently her pastor's wife went from being stage 4 to terminal over night and her mom decided to call her up and let her know! ez E proceeded to panic pace about the room cry and call like 5 people and let them know all about it. K-Slice and I got...coffee! By the time we got back she had decided she was going home and then called her work peeps to tell them terrible sad story. Weirdest thing ever by the way was she called person who I am assuming is her real boss and was all professional and sobby. Then, called some other important person and was like ya shes back in the hospital it sucks I'm going home, call you later! So, weird!!!
We go eat ez E is teary and sad the whole time. K-Slice and I were like WTF?!?!?! Just go home if you need to be home!
SO I went to Vegas with my awesome friend K-Slice and some strange girl she works with...I call her ez E. Any who. I was so nervous and excited about this trip before I left I could hardly contain myself. I was full of OMG I am going to be the boring "mom" and no one will have fun! I was extremely nervous about being the only married person going also!
Trip began on the first flight. K-Slice and I got to sit by each other and we decided that was a good as time as any to begin drinking! We also sat next to the freaking cutest 21 year old boy on his way to study abroad...New Zealand maybe. Anyway, 5 hour flight turned into drinking laughing and convincing this boy to be young free, and not be tied down while enjoying a once in a lifetime trip in New Zealand! He had a girlfriend back home...dumb ass! Oh, and the best part he thought K-Slice and I were on spring break! OMG! I thanked him! hahahaha
We got into Vegas around 1am...4am EST! We were exhausted! We checked in and went to bed...woke up way too early! Well, it was early, but I was ready to get my party on! We went to brunch where the drinking began! All you drink mimosas and bloody mary's....this is where it got weird!
So, you know me I started poking and prodding at the new girl. I got her to talk and I was not prepared...not at all! ez E decided to enlighten me to her sexual status...Virgin! Then proceeded to inform us about all the anal sex she has had. Which ,I am sorry holier than though lady, makes you not a VIRGIN!!! I was kinda taken back... I haven't even done that! Not that I judge! I say do your thing, but don't do it to try and hold on to some kind of intimacy that you have fabricated by some holy roller christian upbringing! ughghghg!
We ...by we I mean ez E decided we should walk the strip. I agreed as did K-Slice. I know I can be a persuasive over bearing personality and just chose to back off for the trip. I know!! It was weird for me too! The strip walk lasted all of an hour...maybe! It was beautiful outside, sunny and 77 degrees. K-Slice suddenly reminds us that she saw signs for a beach at our resort. I was SOLD! We went back to the resort...by we I mean K-Slice and I. ez E decided to gamble! BORING! Jebus lady! Drinks in the hot tub...Sun! ugh again!
K-Slice and I made friends with two different sets of people. The first was an african american couple the man was wasted and the girl was umm waterever. She was kinda boring and didn't say much. She laughed a lot at Marcus <--the guy and he was funny. He kept pointing out all of the degenerates and weirdos! He was even making fun of black people! I was like omg I am not allowed to do that...uncomfortable! He thought that was even funnier! We then met these guys from Connecticut...maybe. They were my favorites! They were normal and really funny...didn't immediately quit talking to me once they found out I was married, but didn't hit on me either! We drank with them most of the day. OMG Purple drank! K-Slice decided to have to bartender make a crazy concoction of booze and we named it...Purple Drank! Jebus we were drunk! I will have to say this portion of the trip was by far my favorite!
We went upstairs to change and become beautified for show/dinner/club. K-Slice and I were trashed! I swam...literally back stroked in the tub while she showered. Insert the freak!!! ez Z decided to get my phone and K-Slices phone and take pictures of us for our men! (she tried to tell us we asked for said service...So didn't) I wasn't black out drunk! She was successful in sending the naked picture to my Hub. Less successful at sending K-Slices, thank God, to her BRAND NEW BOY! Ya, who does that ez E! Not everyone is comfortable with anal after the first date! My Hub texts me like 3 hours later and says nice ass..."are you drunk?" I said "nope I always swim in hotel bath tubs and let strangers take pictures of me." His reply..."I know!" LOL
We make it to the show after a forced vomiting spell by K-slice and me frantically trying to reach my Hub. No luck on my end. The show was medium. I liked all the woopety woo stuff like nudey twirling and growling and water aerobics. (Thank God I am not a Cirque critic.) It was cool...I would like to see another one. Maybe stoned or something next time! (No I am not an avid drug user) Oh, and Hub finally called me back. He is so shitty at having a phone! He was like...what? are you having fun? I was like umm you have my baby and I haven't been away from her like this before. Hub-oh ok sorry love you don't ger roofied. Me-love you too. I was honestly waiting for him to spaz out a little and be jealous...nope didn't happen! BORING!!
We then head to dinner. I was slightly or very annoyed at this. It was 10pm and yes I was hungry, but more cheeseburger and begin drinking again hungry! My group had decided and I agreed to go to an expensive restaurant by some famous chef. Sort version...I was crabby...food wasn't fantastic....and it cost $120...just my meal! I was furious, but hey like some strange guy said What do you expect...its Vegas!
K-Slice manned up and went out with me. I wanted to meet up with our earlier friends. K-Slice was less inclined to do so. Prob smart...they were fun, but definitely don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. I have a chronic problem with not thinking about those sorts of things. I was like...hmmm they were fun earlier and I would like to have fun now...insert fun people! OMG I am like some sort of King demanding my jester! Lord, I need to think of other peoples perspective sometimes. K-Slice and I went to an outside bar with a really cool DJ. He was so animated. I could barely dance because he was putting on such a good show! We then walked further down the strip to some club I had heard people talking about earlier. We gave up and went back...so tired!
I woke up the next morning feeling like a fucking failure and bound and determined to live the next 24 hours up! Then I hear sobbing! OMG are you fucking kidding me! Yes, that was my insensitive initial thought! ez E was crying... Evidently her pastor's wife went from being stage 4 to terminal over night and her mom decided to call her up and let her know! ez E proceeded to panic pace about the room cry and call like 5 people and let them know all about it. K-Slice and I got...coffee! By the time we got back she had decided she was going home and then called her work peeps to tell them terrible sad story. Weirdest thing ever by the way was she called person who I am assuming is her real boss and was all professional and sobby. Then, called some other important person and was like ya shes back in the hospital it sucks I'm going home, call you later! So, weird!!!
We go eat ez E is teary and sad the whole time. K-Slice and I were like WTF?!?!?! Just go home if you need to be home!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Wedding Obsession!!!
I have been asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my friends weddings! I am so honored and very excited to be involved in her special day! Seriously, I can't wait!
What I am not excited about... all the $ I have to fork over to do so! I received an email a few days of go from bride’s sister asking for $100 and a soap basket for the bridal shower. (Soap they are referring to retails at $1.29 per oz...Decent basket is going to cost about $50) I was instantly thinking WTF and I even said so loud to husband! Did I mention that there are seven...count them 7 bridesmaids? Really $700 dollars for fucking cupcakes! Money is supposed to be covering food and drinks for shower (no alcohol, people will be on their own for that), cupcakes for dessert that we will bring into the shower, door prizes, and decorations...
I just can't wrap my head around it! I already spent $120 on the dress and shoes! I have never been in a wedding and been asked to make that large of a financial contribution. Please feel free to tell me if I am being a big brat! I honestly don't know if I am overreacting or being normal! I am so stuck on this I can't even bring myself to email her back. I don't want to sound like a total psycho or loose a friend, but I am not the type of person to keep my mouth shut! I know I know all girls become completely crazed over their wedding! I am not one of these girls! My husband and I started to plan our big elaborate wedding and I completely freaked out and called everything off. Doing all that non-since completely distracted me from my ACTUAL relationship. I became obsessed and consumed with wedding preparations! It was ridiculous. Long story short....I ran for the hills and then a couple years later we eloped! Obviously, I know that is not the norm...but I can’t help but think...Wow her shower is costing more than my whole wedding!
The bride I write about is a great friend of mine! I in no way shape or form wish to upset her! I love her...I’m just daunted by the $!
What I am not excited about... all the $ I have to fork over to do so! I received an email a few days of go from bride’s sister asking for $100 and a soap basket for the bridal shower. (Soap they are referring to retails at $1.29 per oz...Decent basket is going to cost about $50) I was instantly thinking WTF and I even said so loud to husband! Did I mention that there are seven...count them 7 bridesmaids? Really $700 dollars for fucking cupcakes! Money is supposed to be covering food and drinks for shower (no alcohol, people will be on their own for that), cupcakes for dessert that we will bring into the shower, door prizes, and decorations...
I just can't wrap my head around it! I already spent $120 on the dress and shoes! I have never been in a wedding and been asked to make that large of a financial contribution. Please feel free to tell me if I am being a big brat! I honestly don't know if I am overreacting or being normal! I am so stuck on this I can't even bring myself to email her back. I don't want to sound like a total psycho or loose a friend, but I am not the type of person to keep my mouth shut! I know I know all girls become completely crazed over their wedding! I am not one of these girls! My husband and I started to plan our big elaborate wedding and I completely freaked out and called everything off. Doing all that non-since completely distracted me from my ACTUAL relationship. I became obsessed and consumed with wedding preparations! It was ridiculous. Long story short....I ran for the hills and then a couple years later we eloped! Obviously, I know that is not the norm...but I can’t help but think...Wow her shower is costing more than my whole wedding!
The bride I write about is a great friend of mine! I in no way shape or form wish to upset her! I love her...I’m just daunted by the $!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
It's about time!
I finally have my computer back! Hopefully, I can commit to blogging again! I miss it so much!
I have recently been having some strange realizations about my self. It's as if I can see myself maturing...changing is a better word! Who am I kidding? I will never be mature.
My baby will 17 months old tomorrow! I guess she is a toddler not a baby. I am still considerably larger than I was pre baby...20 pounds or so! I don't know what the change was after I had her, but I just didn't mind it. I gained a total of 75lbs while pregnant. Sure I didn't love putting on jeans or trying out my old clothes post pregnancy...but I wasn't devastated! I would mention it here and there to my husband. His response was usually something perverse..."I like your curves or look at that big booty"! I guess I thought if it doesn't bother him..it shouldn't bother me. I thought of myself differently after I became pregnant. It was almost like a load off my back! I didn't have to worry about having to be the pretty girl anymore. I was married to a man that adores me...and getting bigger everyday! Seriously who wants to bang a pregnant married lady... ok ok there are some weirdos out there that did still hit on me when I was prego, but I brushed it off (weirdos don't count).
After I had the baby...she was all consuming! I was instantly thrown into baby baby baby baby! I still don't feel 100% like myself. I barely buy new clothes, shoes, or wear much make-up anymore. I certainly always look presentable...simple foundation, mascara, blush, and hair styled! Sorry sweat pants moms...there is no excuse!!!
I find myself wondering how do I get back to my old self? Do I want to be her? I kinda like this person better! Weight loss is coming along slowly. I am at the beginning of week 3 and I am down 6lbs. So, that means 16 more to go for my goal weight. I have even made an effort to go on more dates with my husband...even out dancing! I found a new pretty. Beauty just does not weigh as heavy on my conscience anymore. I do feel some what liberated!!! I mean no one would dare ask me why are you wearing a full piece swim suit. Even at my skinniest I loathed wearing bikinis...sucking it in and feeling like I am popping out of this side or that! I will keep chipping away at my weight loss, and hopefully be in a slightly smaller full piece by actual summer ;).
So, back to my point of me "maturing". I feel as though I wasted so much time, an entire adolescence, worrying about if someone else thought I was pretty...if a boy liked me...if I looked skinny enough! I remember never thinking I looked thin enough...or tan enough or pretty enough. After I had the baby it took me putting on my old clothes to realize how much my body had actually changed.
I don't want to seem as though fat is the new skinny or anything...just less hating ourselves ladies.
Update: I am four weeks from my goal date and I have lost 20 lbs and counting!
I have recently been having some strange realizations about my self. It's as if I can see myself maturing...changing is a better word! Who am I kidding? I will never be mature.
My baby will 17 months old tomorrow! I guess she is a toddler not a baby. I am still considerably larger than I was pre baby...20 pounds or so! I don't know what the change was after I had her, but I just didn't mind it. I gained a total of 75lbs while pregnant. Sure I didn't love putting on jeans or trying out my old clothes post pregnancy...but I wasn't devastated! I would mention it here and there to my husband. His response was usually something perverse..."I like your curves or look at that big booty"! I guess I thought if it doesn't bother him..it shouldn't bother me. I thought of myself differently after I became pregnant. It was almost like a load off my back! I didn't have to worry about having to be the pretty girl anymore. I was married to a man that adores me...and getting bigger everyday! Seriously who wants to bang a pregnant married lady... ok ok there are some weirdos out there that did still hit on me when I was prego, but I brushed it off (weirdos don't count).
After I had the baby...she was all consuming! I was instantly thrown into baby baby baby baby! I still don't feel 100% like myself. I barely buy new clothes, shoes, or wear much make-up anymore. I certainly always look presentable...simple foundation, mascara, blush, and hair styled! Sorry sweat pants moms...there is no excuse!!!
I find myself wondering how do I get back to my old self? Do I want to be her? I kinda like this person better! Weight loss is coming along slowly. I am at the beginning of week 3 and I am down 6lbs. So, that means 16 more to go for my goal weight. I have even made an effort to go on more dates with my husband...even out dancing! I found a new pretty. Beauty just does not weigh as heavy on my conscience anymore. I do feel some what liberated!!! I mean no one would dare ask me why are you wearing a full piece swim suit. Even at my skinniest I loathed wearing bikinis...sucking it in and feeling like I am popping out of this side or that! I will keep chipping away at my weight loss, and hopefully be in a slightly smaller full piece by actual summer ;).
So, back to my point of me "maturing". I feel as though I wasted so much time, an entire adolescence, worrying about if someone else thought I was pretty...if a boy liked me...if I looked skinny enough! I remember never thinking I looked thin enough...or tan enough or pretty enough. After I had the baby it took me putting on my old clothes to realize how much my body had actually changed.
I don't want to seem as though fat is the new skinny or anything...just less hating ourselves ladies.
Update: I am four weeks from my goal date and I have lost 20 lbs and counting!
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