Regret...

Some idiot told me today..."you only regret what you haven't done".. He says wow that is such a powerful quote! I said that's ridiculous I regret lots of things I have done! Then a talk about God ensues. Him saying well everything happens for a reason, and don't you feel like you learned from your experiences?

I quit talking at this point! One thing I have learned, from all of the parts of my life I regret, is if you are going to horribly insult someone with your honest thoughts and opinion you should not speak at all!

I sat there haunted! I was catapulted into my past and left there to dwell on all my regrets. I think thanks a lot gay guy that everyone knows is gay but still pretends no one knows! I thought about all the terrible things I have done to try and destroy my relationship (before we were married <--- I don't know why I always feel the need to throw that in there). I thought about all the people I have lost my temper on. I thought about how I have lied cheated stole. I thought about the many friendships I have not held onto...thought about the ones I have! I thought about how my mind works sometimes! Hell gay guy, I even regret thoughts!

The fact of the matter is that you can't truly regret something unless you have done said something! My question to someone more intelligent than me is...What do you do with all that regret?!?!?

And I know all gay men aren't truly retarded...it's more like that high school girl tries to look cool not smart complex! <---one of those things I never ever say! The gays are so sensitive!

Im gonna loose it on a dog!!!

Lately I have been having very violent thoughts about our neighbors dog! He is a ridiculously cute black lab...about a 2 years old. Oh and his name is Rufis or Ronaldo or Ramparts..IDK He was a very sweet little puppy then out of no where he turned into a filfhy hysterical barking mongrel. He is rarely let outside at a respectable hour. The barking/growling is slowly chipping away at my sanity! I even love animals; especially dogs! I'm loosing it!

Every time we come home from work, leave on the weekends, or around 630am he is howling! He growls! He is absolutely insane!

Making matters worse these are the "weird neighbors"! The one time I did try to talk to these people...Their dog "Rancid" had escaped! Needless to say we locked up our house like Fort Knox and waited for the mongrel to get hit by a car! Ya, we didn't do that! I held our daughter while my husband tried to corral the thing! All the why calling it by its correct R name. Out of nowhere this half naked..top half...guy comes around the corner! This guy was obviously stoned out of his mind...Then his wife, even better! She walks over behind him just giggling! Yep that's it! Not a word just strange I may or may not be a serial killer giggling! Finally the man speaks, My husband knows his name I do not...surprise, "Oh man don't chase my dog!" My Hub who is very nice to strangers, "oh umm I was trying to help get him". The man "screams the Rafiki or Rolly Polly name at the thing until it calms down and runs back to their shanty...house! They leave..!

I just wish there was a polite way to mosey on over and say hey buddy...your dog is an asshole! Please socialize it or send it to obedience training. If you decide against fixing your rabid beast I am going to do that cut it open and hang it from a tree thing that all the deer hunters post pictures of on Face Book!






*I will not nor have I ever hurt an animal! I love dogs! I would, however, steal the dog and find it a patient home with no neighbors!

Best Friends...

I have really been hesitating on posting! I hate sad or feel sorry for me blogging.

Most of the time when I worry about something...I talk about it and then I'm over it. Just weird! ...rambling sorry!

I have been thinking a lot lately about having a best friend. I am a very social, talkative, outgoing person. Very type A personality! I have a lot of friends. I just don't have a one go to girl. I think it is so strange! Almost all of my friends have a best friend. They have that one person!

I try to of course analyze myself and get to the bottom of this. The fact of the matter is I do have a best friend. He's my husband....insert "awwwee" here. Gag! Truthfully, though he knows everything about me. I never lie to him. Even when we were broken up for a while, during our dating years, I confessed every disgusting haha thing I did! Who does this?!? If for some crazy reason I do feel the need to fib; I always confess in a very short amount of time. As if lying...fibbing to him is some crime against our sacred truth!

I tell him pretty much everything. Even the stuff he probably doesn't want to hear. (o shit I think I have a yeast infection; o man I'm constipated; I wish I was alone right now...could u go away..luv u; hey the new pharmacist that I share an office with is totally hot!; I'm quitting shaving my legs this week...it's over rated; um I can see your penis through those pants..sexy; hey I think I can see that girls...yep! Take a look big guy! Lol) Ya, we are weird!

I'm convinced it is not normal to be best friends with your husband. Oh ya, I know, ideal situation right? Then why do I feel like I'm lacking something in my life?

I have a very hard time trusting women. Truthfully, my husband is the only human being I fully trust. I also loose interest in people very easily. Once I think I have someone figured out, I'm bored! Im paranoid I'm too needy. Nervous I may say something too personal that will then be repeated to said best friend. I'm also a ridiculously jealous human being! If I think there is another friend, in one of my friends lives, that she is closer to...I automatically put my guard up. I just assume I won't be the number one, so what's the point. Omg! That's it!!! I have to be number one. Maybe....

Either way with all my issues I am definitely not best friend material.

Maybe, I will work on it! Maybe, I could hold some sort of best friend talent search! Maybe, I should get over myself.

The truth is I have had a best friend....and I miss her!

Weird...maybe

Can you actually make someone weird?

Since my daughter was only a few months old I would contort my face, make high pitched squeaks, growl like a monster, and sing 80's hits to her. I would dance in front of her bouncy seat and make up songs with her name in it (this is how I accidentally discovered my kids name rhymes with a bad word). I would do exaggerated facial expressions and pretend talk her stuffed animals to her in different voices.

My husband says to me one particularly exuberant morning..."please stop your gonna make her weird...you know like you made your nieces all weird." I was like hhmmm with us for parents she is going to be "different" enough lol. So, I decided I would try regular Mommy things. You know like soft lulabys, a gentle voice, and talking in baby talk. All of that annoyed me very quickly!

I got to thinking...can you actually make someone weird?? I think either they have a "funny bone" or they don't! I decided a little research was necessary! Now don't worry I didnt start walking up to every baby and reenact scenes from Fame then growl like a bear and see if they freak out!

What I did do...
One day when I was picking up my daughter from daycare there were other children just hanging out. I sat down and started to play with the kids for a bit before we went home. One little girl was sitting next to me so, with out even thinking, I made a "silly" face at her. Thinking it would make her giggle or smile or something..anything other than crying! Yep, she sobbed! Looked at me like I was nuts and sobbed. I felt horrible! I was not even making a weird sound with the silly face. I scooped up my baby and we went home.

I officially had unknowingly made my test! I decided that I can't possibly make my kid weird. She doesn't cry when my husband and I walk up behind her scream "boo" and then run away! She laughs and then chases us to pay back the frightening favor! She makes ridiculous faces at us...even says "more" when we reenact musicals in the kitchen! She giggles with delight when we dance and trys to copy us when we do something to make each other laugh. I didn't make her be that way. She just is who she is...and she's wonderful! I am making her the opposite of weird. She is not afraid of loud noises, new people, or strange surroundings. She is content on entertaining herself and even sings in her crib some morning (so cute and best alarm clock ever btw). I am making a well rounded adaptable human being...right???

that other kid...weird!

By the way... I've got nothing on my husbands weirdness! He talks to her in Yoda voice and knows all the hand motions and words to the Fame musical!

Holding hands...pretty hands!

I was riding home from church yesterday, and I reached over to hold Toms hand. He made the necessary adjustments and my hand fit comfortably inside of his. I thought hmmm this is so weird. Why do I feel so relaxed when he holds my hand?

It's like all the weird am I pretty anxiety just went away! All morning I was a nervous wreck...ya me nervous. I'm pretty much a complete spaz inside my head. We were going to his colleague's daughters baptism. Whom I've never met... I hate meeting new people from his work! They always have an adverse reaction to me! The women instantly want to slit my throat and the men think I'm stupid...and pretty! Im almost certain the girls think I'm incompetent too!

Maybe I am insecure about being around a ton of engineers and there engineer wives...who are no longer engineers because they want to be stay at home super moms! Who knows?!?!

Or maybe it's just me being crazy Hubs explanation :)

Im a wife, a mother, and I sometimes drink too much!

I normally keep myself under control. Ok No I don't! Im a free spirit at heart, but I try my best! Last night was ridiculous! I made plans to go out with one of my girl friends for a very casual happy hour. We met at 5pm for God sakes! My intention was to go out..have a few drinks, come home, and have slightly tipsy sex with my husband. Well, a few drinks turned into a lot of drinks! I ended up making friends with strangers at the bar, taking pictures with some douche bag we were making fun of (which my husband did not appreciate lol), and then driving home. I even stayed a little later than my friend because these old guys were cracking me up! I was a mess. I even told my friend, who offered to take me with her, no thanks riding the bus is scarier than driving drunk! What kind of a secret hill billy am I?

I make it home...45 min drive. Who knows how? I'm pretty much an idiot. I walked in to find my husband reading the last text I sent him "I love you plater I wanna do it Im on my way". He says to me what's a plater? I say huh..as I'm quickly undressing in the kitchen! I can hear him saying "just go to bed you lunatic". I make my to the bathroom.
I peed...on the bathroom floor! Not on purpose, I promise. I lounged back on the toilet seat and I guess my vagina was aiming out and not in. My dutiful husband walks in to the horror of his lovely wife at her finest hour! He hands me an old rag and cleaner and says "your cleaning this up you lush". I was mortified!!! I took a shower and tried to go to bed.
We still had sex... I guess he is immune to my crazy antics. He even made me pancakes for breakfast. So this morning as I sat at the dinning room table, with our toddler in my arms, hungover and trying to stomach the thought of food. I kept thinking to myself this can't possibly be a normal chain of events and... it really sucks I only have lime flavored Tums left!