I finally have my computer back! Hopefully, I can commit to blogging again! I miss it so much!
I have recently been having some strange realizations about my self. It's as if I can see myself maturing...changing is a better word! Who am I kidding? I will never be mature.
My baby will 17 months old tomorrow! I guess she is a toddler not a baby. I am still considerably larger than I was pre baby...20 pounds or so! I don't know what the change was after I had her, but I just didn't mind it. I gained a total of 75lbs while pregnant. Sure I didn't love putting on jeans or trying out my old clothes post pregnancy...but I wasn't devastated! I would mention it here and there to my husband. His response was usually something perverse..."I like your curves or look at that big booty"! I guess I thought if it doesn't bother him..it shouldn't bother me. I thought of myself differently after I became pregnant. It was almost like a load off my back! I didn't have to worry about having to be the pretty girl anymore. I was married to a man that adores me...and getting bigger everyday! Seriously who wants to bang a pregnant married lady... ok ok there are some weirdos out there that did still hit on me when I was prego, but I brushed it off (weirdos don't count).
After I had the baby...she was all consuming! I was instantly thrown into baby baby baby baby! I still don't feel 100% like myself. I barely buy new clothes, shoes, or wear much make-up anymore. I certainly always look presentable...simple foundation, mascara, blush, and hair styled! Sorry sweat pants moms...there is no excuse!!!
I find myself wondering how do I get back to my old self? Do I want to be her? I kinda like this person better! Weight loss is coming along slowly. I am at the beginning of week 3 and I am down 6lbs. So, that means 16 more to go for my goal weight. I have even made an effort to go on more dates with my husband...even out dancing! I found a new pretty. Beauty just does not weigh as heavy on my conscience anymore. I do feel some what liberated!!! I mean no one would dare ask me why are you wearing a full piece swim suit. Even at my skinniest I loathed wearing bikinis...sucking it in and feeling like I am popping out of this side or that! I will keep chipping away at my weight loss, and hopefully be in a slightly smaller full piece by actual summer ;).
So, back to my point of me "maturing". I feel as though I wasted so much time, an entire adolescence, worrying about if someone else thought I was pretty...if a boy liked me...if I looked skinny enough! I remember never thinking I looked thin enough...or tan enough or pretty enough. After I had the baby it took me putting on my old clothes to realize how much my body had actually changed.
I don't want to seem as though fat is the new skinny or anything...just less hating ourselves ladies.
Update: I am four weeks from my goal date and I have lost 20 lbs and counting!
