Im a wife, a mother, and I sometimes drink too much!

I normally keep myself under control. Ok No I don't! Im a free spirit at heart, but I try my best! Last night was ridiculous! I made plans to go out with one of my girl friends for a very casual happy hour. We met at 5pm for God sakes! My intention was to go out..have a few drinks, come home, and have slightly tipsy sex with my husband. Well, a few drinks turned into a lot of drinks! I ended up making friends with strangers at the bar, taking pictures with some douche bag we were making fun of (which my husband did not appreciate lol), and then driving home. I even stayed a little later than my friend because these old guys were cracking me up! I was a mess. I even told my friend, who offered to take me with her, no thanks riding the bus is scarier than driving drunk! What kind of a secret hill billy am I?

I make it home...45 min drive. Who knows how? I'm pretty much an idiot. I walked in to find my husband reading the last text I sent him "I love you plater I wanna do it Im on my way". He says to me what's a plater? I say huh..as I'm quickly undressing in the kitchen! I can hear him saying "just go to bed you lunatic". I make my to the bathroom.
I peed...on the bathroom floor! Not on purpose, I promise. I lounged back on the toilet seat and I guess my vagina was aiming out and not in. My dutiful husband walks in to the horror of his lovely wife at her finest hour! He hands me an old rag and cleaner and says "your cleaning this up you lush". I was mortified!!! I took a shower and tried to go to bed.
We still had sex... I guess he is immune to my crazy antics. He even made me pancakes for breakfast. So this morning as I sat at the dinning room table, with our toddler in my arms, hungover and trying to stomach the thought of food. I kept thinking to myself this can't possibly be a normal chain of events and... it really sucks I only have lime flavored Tums left!