Anxiety

I know that most people have a mild form of anxiety. Some people have extreme...or somewhere in the middle anxiety!

Today I feel like the middle making it's way to extreme. Today it's so much worse than normal because I can't really pin point why or where its coming from. I feel like I'm just on the verge of freaking out! Lord I have issues!

My stressor lately:
I have been wondering if all Moms instantly feel this really close bond with there child?!?! I go in and out of super closeness to hmm does she even like me? It freaks me the fuck out! As I have stated before I don't want to screw her up or make her weird. So, I try to reign in my co-dependent nature and allow her to set her boundaries. Meaning...if she doesn't want to hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands while in the car, or sit next to me while we watch V-V (TV) - then I do not force her. Sometimes it sucks so bad I just want to scream "what the heck kid?; try and get your own milk out of the fridge and heat up your own vreen vreens (green beans)! Of course I never say this out loud. I internalize and whine to my hub!

Then out of nowhere like all that Mommy you don't matter to me stuff ever happened...she is obsessed! Up my ass can't leave the room, have to hold hands in the car, kisses and hugs all day, and help cleaning up! Like my little lovable side kick out of nowhere!

Maybe that's just how kids are...I know I just need to relax! But this is definitely something I wasn't told before I was a Mom. It's not really something most people talk about I guess. I thought I was basically giving birth to "love"! As if she was put here to love love love me all the days then hate me when she's a teenager and then love love love me again! I'm prepared for the teenager thing...but seriously she is 19months old!!!

I need to call my mom!

On the opposite side of the spectrum I suppose I have days like her also...days when I just wish her nap would be a little bit longer. I sometimes drag my feet on the nights my hub is picking her up from daycare. ...squeezing every second of alone time I have!

Maybe my sweet angel and I are so similar I have failed to see it! After re-reading this post I think...your baby is just like you dumbass! She likes her space sometimes too!

Ok ok I will heat up your vreen vreens and get your milk when u don't want to sit next to me during Melmo and Big big (big bird) time!